Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
