I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
