all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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