do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
