I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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