dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
