Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
