I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
