I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
