Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
