I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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