he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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