if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
