yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You are a genius and a whore.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
