So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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