I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
