Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
