last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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