Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
