Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
