smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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