check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
