smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
