I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
