I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
