and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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