i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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