no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
