Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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