my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
