I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
accomplished twins. life is a go
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
