i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
