yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
