I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
