Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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