Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
