you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
And then he peed in my hair
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