We won't sleep together?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
