So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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