I cockslap morals
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
