apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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