dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
