Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
