I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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