i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
