She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
