i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
