I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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