remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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