I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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